What is self-confidence? Is this innate, or can it be developed? And why are some people confident in themselves, although they have many shortcomings, while others, with many advantages, feel extremely insecure in society?
In this article, we will address these issues, as self-confidence directly affects the quality of our life.
We will also provide 8 rules or tips to help you reconsider your attitude to this concept.
We hope that this article will be useful even for those who do not experience problems with self-confidence.
What is self-confidence
Psychologically speaking, self-confidence - This is a personality trait, the essence of which is a positive assessment of one's own skills, abilities and abilities, as well as an understanding that they are enough to achieve significant goals and satisfy all human needs.
In this case, self-confidence should be distinguished from self-confidence.
Overconfidence - this is an unfounded confidence in the absence of minuses and negative character traits, which inevitably leads to negative consequences. Therefore, when people say about someone that they are self-confident, they usually mean negative connotations.
So, self-confidence is bad, and self-confidence is not only good, but also necessary for a full life of any person.
The researchers found that for the formation of self-confidence, it is not so much objective life success (social status, income level, etc.) that is important, as a person's personal positive assessment of the results of their own actions.
That is, self-confidence is not regulated by external factors (although they can have a certain effect), but exclusively by our inner self-awareness. This is a critical thought to grasp before starting to work on self-esteem and self-confidence.
Someone might say: how can I be confident if I have nothing to buy new shoes or clothes, let alone vacation trips abroad? What confidence can we talk about if I was born in a poor family and could not study normally?
Despite the seeming fairness of such questions, these factors cannot have a decisive influence on the presence or absence of self-confidence. There are a lot of confirmations for this: there are many famous and wealthy people who, with visible success, are extremely insecure, and therefore live in constant depression.
There are also many people who were born in very humble conditions, but their self-confidence and decent self-esteem are impressive and help them achieve great success in life.
The fact that your self-confidence depends only on yourself is clearly shown by the example of a child who has just learned to walk. He knows that there are adults who walk on two legs, he may have an older brother who has also been walking for a long time, but he himself has only been crawling for a year of his life. And here it all depends on the psychology of the child. How quickly he will be able to accept the fact that not only can he already walk, but it is also much more convenient and faster and better in all respects.
When the brother of the author of this article learned to walk, he could not accept this fact. If his mother took him by the hand, then he walked calmly. Then my mother began to give him only one finger, holding on to which he boldly walked. Once, instead of a finger, a stick was put into his palm. The kid, thinking that it was his mother's finger, calmly began to walk and walked a rather long distance, but as soon as he noticed that in fact his mother was left far behind, he collapsed to the ground in fear.
It turns out that the ability to walk in it was, and all the necessary conditions for this too. The only thing that prevented him from realizing it was a lack of self-confidence.
1. Way of thinking
So the first thing to understand is that self-confidence is a way of thinking. This is a kind of skill that, if desired, can be developed or, on the contrary, extinguished.
For more information on what a skill is, see The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Surely you yourself can give examples of classmates or acquaintances who, during their studies at school, were active and confident in themselves, but grew up into rather notorious and insecure people. On the contrary, those who were humble and insecure as they matured became self-sufficient and self-confident.
In short, if you have understood the simple idea that self-confidence is not an innate property, which either exists or does not exist, but a completely dynamic thing that you can and should work on, then you can move on to the second point.
2. All people are alike
Understanding that all people are alike is the best way to develop healthy self-confidence.
For example, you come to your boss with a request, or you need to negotiate with an important person. You don't know how your conversation will develop, how well it can end, and what impression you will have later.
So in order not to experience false uncertainty and the subsequent wrong line of behavior, try to imagine this person in everyday life. Imagine that he is not in a strict suit, but in shabby pants at home, on his head is not an ideal hairstyle, but sloppy hair sticking out, and instead of an expensive perfume, he smells like garlic.
After all, we, in fact, if we remove all the tinsel behind which some are very skillfully hiding, are extremely similar to each other. And this important person sitting in front of you, it is quite possible that he is going through exactly the same way, but only does not show it.
I remember a time when I had to talk to the CEO of a medical company. In appearance, he was a very confident person and behaved accordingly. However, since it was about an unpleasant incident, I noticed his hands, which were shaking uncontrollably with excitement. At the same time, there was not the slightest sign of excitement on his face. When the situation was settled, his hands stopped shaking. I observed this pattern with him more than once.
So when I first saw that he was trying to hide his excitement, I realized that he was worried about the outcome of the case in exactly the same way as I did. This gave me such confidence that I quickly got my bearings in the situation and was able to offer the most suitable solution for both parties.
I could hardly have done this if it had not been for the accidentally realized fact that this CEO, who heads a rather large company, is exactly a person like me, with all the weaknesses and shortcomings.
3. You can
The Roman emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius once said a brilliant phrase:
If something is beyond your strength, then do not yet decide that it is generally impossible for a person. But if something is possible for a person and is characteristic of him, then consider that it is available to you.
I must say that this phrase has inspired and supported me more than once. Indeed, if someone else can do this or that thing, then why can't I?
For example, let's say you come to an interview as a job seeker. Naturally, you are worried and feel some uncertainty, because besides you there are several other applicants for the position.
If you can realize that any thing that all the applicants present can do, you can do, then, other things being equal, you will be able to gain the necessary self-confidence and demonstrate it in an interview, which will surely give you an advantage over others who are less confident in themselves as candidates.
It is also worth remembering the words of one of the greatest inventors in history, Thomas Edison: "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent sweat."
4. Don't look for the culprit
Speaking about self-doubt, many for some reason try to find the reason for this from the outside. As a rule, such people blame parents who did not develop adequate self-esteem in them, the environment that did not influence them in the best way, and much more.
However, this is a colossal mistake. If you want to become a confident person, once and for all learn the rule: do not blame anyone for your failures.
It is not only meaningless, but also harmful to look for those responsible for the fact that you are an insecure person. After all, this contradicts the well-founded statement that self-confidence is not regulated by external factors (although they can have a certain effect), but by our inner self-awareness.
Just take your current position for granted and use it as a starting point in your development.
5. Don't make excuses
It is also an extremely important rule for building self-confidence. People who are weak and insecure often make excuses that look pitiful and ridiculous.
If you have made a mistake or oversight (and maybe even outright stupidity), do not try to gloss over it with stupid excuses. Only a strong and confident person can admit his mistake or failure. Moreover, according to the Pareto law, only 20% of efforts give 80% of the result.
For the simplest test, think back to the last time you were late for a meeting. If it was your fault, did you come up with any excuses or not?
A self-confident person would rather simply apologize and admit that he did not act quite responsibly than he would begin to invent accidents, broken alarms and other force majeure situations designed to justify his delay.
6. Don't compare
This point is quite difficult to follow, but it is no less important than the previous rules. The fact is that, one way or another, we constantly compare ourselves with someone. And this often has very negative consequences.
Comparing yourself with someone is not worth it if only because most people skillfully play the role of successful and accomplished personalities. In fact, this is an illusion in which many live voluntarily.
What are social networks in which everyone is happy and rich? It is especially sad when you know the real state of affairs of a particular person who creates a successful virtual image.
Realizing this, you should understand the whole stupidity of comparing yourself with the fictitious image of your friend or girlfriend.
7. Concentrate on the positive
Every person has friends and enemies. Not necessarily literally, of course. But there are certainly people who love and appreciate you, and those who simply do not perceive you. This is a natural situation, but in order to build self-confidence, you need to learn to focus your attention on those who value you.
For example, let's say you're speaking to an audience of 40 people. 20 of them are friendly towards you, and 20 negative.
So, if in the course of your speech you think about 20 conventional enemies, you will surely begin to feel discomfort and insecurity, with all the ensuing consequences.
On the contrary, looking into the eyes of people who are close to you, you will feel calm and confident in your abilities, which will certainly serve you as powerful support.
In other words, someone will always like you, and someone will always not. On whom to concentrate your attention is up to you.
As Mark Twain said: “Avoid those who try to undermine your self-confidence. This trait is characteristic of small people. A great person, on the other hand, gives you the feeling that you can achieve a lot. "
8. Record achievements
As the last point, I chose to record my achievements. The fact is that I personally have never used this technique as unnecessary, but I have heard more than once that it has helped many people.
Its essence is quite simple: every day write down your achievements for the day in a separate notebook. Record the most significant achievements over a longer period of time on a separate sheet.
Then you should regularly review these records to remind yourself of small and big victories, which will certainly positively affect your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Outcome
To become a confident person, you should adhere to the following rules:
- Realize that self-confidence is a mindset, not an innate property.
- Accept the fact that all people are alike, with all their weaknesses and flaws.
- To understand that if something is possible for a person and is inherent to him, then it is available to you.
- Do not blame anyone for your failures.
- Do not make excuses for mistakes, but be able to admit them.
- Don't compare yourself to others.
- Concentrate on those who value you.
- Record your achievements.
Finally, we recommend that you read selected quotes on self-confidence. Surely the thoughts of outstanding people on this topic will be useful to you.
