9 ways to convince people and defend your point of viewpresented on this page can affect your whole future life. If you stick to at least some of the tips presented here, you can change a lot in your reality.
But first, let's figure out what is point of view.
Point of view - This is a life position or opinion, with which each of us evaluates the events taking place around. This term originated from the definition of the place where the observer is and on which the perspective he sees depends.
For example, at the bottom of the picture you see a number. Can you name her? The man who on the left is sure that he has a six in front of him, but his opponent on the right strongly disagrees, since he sees the number nine.
Which one is right? Probably both.
But in life we are often faced with situations when we need to defend one point of view or another. And sometimes to convince someone of her.
In this article, we'll look at 9 ways to convince people and defend their point of view. The material is taken from the most popular book by Dale Carnegie - "How to Win Friends and Influence People".
Dodge an argument
Paradoxically, the more we try to "win" the argument, the less chance we have. Of course, when we say the word "dispute" we mean something meaningless and emotional. After all, it is such disputes that bring us problems. To avoid them, you need to understand the importance of avoiding the dispute as such.
Consider a story from the life of the author of the book, Dale Carnegie.
During one dinner party, the gentleman sitting next to me told a funny story, the gist of which was based on the quote: "There is a deity that gives shape to our intentions." The narrator mentioned that the quote was taken from the Bible. He was wrong, I knew it for sure.
And so, to make me feel my significance, I corrected him. He began to persist. What? Shakespeare? It can't be! This is a quote from the Bible. And he knows it for sure.
Not far from us sat my friend, who had devoted several years to the study of Shakespeare and we asked him to resolve our dispute. He listened to us carefully, then stepped on my foot under the table and said: "Dale, you are wrong."
When we returned home, I told him:
- Frank, you know perfectly well that this quote is from Shakespeare.
“Of course,” he replied, “but you and I were at a dinner party. Why argue over such a trifling matter? Take my advice: Whenever you can, avoid sharp corners.
Many years have passed since then, and this wise advice has greatly influenced my life.
Indeed, there is only one way to achieve the best result in an argument - to avoid it.
Indeed, in nine cases out of ten, after the end of the dispute, everyone still remains convinced of his righteousness. And in general, everyone who is engaged in self-development sooner or later comes to the idea of the uselessness of the dispute.
As Benjamin Franklin said: "If you argue, you can sometimes win, but it will be a useless victory, because you will never win the goodwill of your opponent."
Think about what is more important to you: a purely external, academic victory or the goodwill of a person. It is extremely rare to achieve the simultaneous one and the other.
One newspaper had a wonderful epitaph:
"Here lies the body of William Jay, who died defending his right to cross the street."
So, if you want to convince people and defend your point of view, learn to avoid useless arguments.
Admit mistakes
The ability to admit your mistakes always gives amazing results. Under any circumstances, it works to our advantage more than trying to make excuses when we are wrong.
Every person wants to feel significant, and when we are wrong and condemn ourselves, our opponent is left with the only way to feed this feeling - to show generosity. Think about it.
However, for some reason, many ignore this simple truth, and even when their wrong is obvious, they try to find some arguments in their favor. This is a losing position in advance, which should not be taken by a worthy person.
So, if you want to persuade people to your point of view, admit your mistakes immediately and frankly.
Be friendly
If you want to win someone over to your side, first convince them that you are friendly and do it sincerely.
The sun can make us take off our coat faster than the wind, and kindness and a friendly approach convince us much better than pressure and aggression.
Engineer Staub wanted his rent to be reduced. However, he knew that his master was callous and stubborn. Then he wrote to him that he would vacate the apartment as soon as the lease expired.
After receiving the letter, the owner came to the engineer with his secretary. He met him very friendly and did not talk about money. He said that he really liked the owner's house and the way it was maintained, and that he, Staub, would have liked to stay for another year, but he could not afford it.
Obviously, the landlord had never received such a welcome from his tenants and was a little confused.
He started talking about his concerns and complaining about the tenants. One of them wrote insulting letters to him. Another threatened to break the contract if the owner did not make his neighbor stop snoring.
“What a relief to have a tenant like you,” he said at the end. Then, even without any request from Staub, he offered to agree on a fee that would suit him.
However, if the engineer tried to reduce the rent by the methods of other tenants, then he probably would have suffered the same failure.
A friendly and gentle approach to solving the problem won. And this is natural.
Socrates method
Socrates is one of the greatest ancient Greek philosophers. He has had a huge impact on many generations of thinkers.
Socrates used a persuasion technique known today as the Socratic Method. It has several interpretations. One is to get affirmative answers at the beginning of the conversation.
Socrates asked questions with which his opponent was forced to agree. He received one statement after another until he had a whole list of YES. Ultimately, the person found himself reaching a conclusion he had previously objected to.
The Chinese have a proverb that contains the centuries-old wisdom of the East:
"He who steps gently goes far."
By the way, please note that many politicians use the method of getting affirmative answers from the crowd when they need to win the electorate at a rally.
Now you know that this is not just an accident, but a clearly working method that knowledgeable people skillfully wield.
So, if you want to convince people and defend your point of view, learn how to correctly formulate the questions to which your opponent will be forced to say "Yes".
Let the other person talk
Before trying to convince the interlocutor of something, give him the opportunity to speak. Don't rush or interrupt him, even if you disagree with him. With the help of this uncomplicated technique, you will not only better understand him and recognize his vision of the situation, but also win over you.
In addition, it should be understood that most people like to talk about themselves and their achievements much more than to listen to how we talk about ourselves.
That is why, in order to successfully defend your point of view, allow your interlocutor to fully speak out. This will help him, as they say, “let off steam”, and in the future you will be able to convey your position much easier.
So, always give the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out if you want to learn how to persuade people to your point of view.
Try honestly to understand the other person
As a rule, in a conversation, a person tries, first of all, to convey his point of view, and only then, perhaps, if everything goes well, he will try to understand the interlocutor. And this is a huge mistake!
The fact is that any of us takes a position on this or that issue for certain reasons. If you can understand what your interlocutor is guided by, you can easily convey your point of view to him, and even win over to your side.
To do this, sincerely try to put yourself in his place.
The life experience of many outstanding representatives of humanity shows that success in relations with people is determined by a sympathetic attitude towards their point of view.
If, of all the advice given here, you take only one thing - a greater tendency to see things from another's point of view, it will undoubtedly be a huge step in your development.
So, rule number 6 says: honestly try to understand the interlocutor and the true motives of his words and actions.
Show empathy
Want to know a phrase that ends controversy, destroys ill-will, generates goodwill, and makes others listen carefully? Here she is:
"I do not blame you at all for having such feelings; if I were you, I would certainly feel the same."
This kind of phrase will soften the most grumpy interlocutor. Moreover, pronouncing it, you can consider yourself absolutely sincere, because if you really were that person, then, of course, you would feel like him.
With an open mind, each of us can come to the conclusion that who you are is not really your merit. You didn’t decide what family to be born into and what kind of upbringing to receive. Therefore, an irritable, intolerant and frivolous person also does not deserve more condemnation for being who he is.
Have pity on the poor fellow. Empathize with him. Show sympathy. Tell yourself what John Gough said at the sight of a drunkard standing on his feet: "It could have been me, if not for the grace of God".
Three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow yearn for sympathy. Show it and they will love you.
In The Psychology of Parenting, Dr. Arthur Gate says: “The human being craves compassion. The child willingly shows his injury, or deliberately inflicts a wound on himself in order to arouse ardent sympathy. For the same purpose, adults talk about their misfortunes in full detail and expect compassion. "
So, if you want to convince people of your point of view, learn to first show empathy for the thoughts and desires of others.
Make your ideas clear
Quite often, simply stating the truth is not enough. She needs clarity. Of course, it doesn't have to be material. In conversation, this can be a clever verbal illustration or a parable to help you understand your thoughts.
If you master this technique, your speech will not only be rich and beautiful, but also extremely clear and understandable.
Once a rumor was spread about a well-known newspaper that it had too many advertisements and too little news. This gossip caused great harm to the business, and it had to be stopped somehow.
Then the leadership took an extraordinary step.
All non-advertising materials were selected from the standard issue of the newspaper. They were published as a separate book, which was called "One Day". It contained 307 pages and a huge amount of interesting reading material.
This fact was expressed much more vividly, interestingly and impressively than any exculpatory articles could have done.
If you pay attention, you will notice that staging is used everywhere: on television, in commerce, in large corporations, etc.
Therefore, if you want to convince people and defend your point of view, learn to give ideas visibility.
Challenge
Charles Schweb had a workshop manager whose workers did not meet production standards.
- How does it come about, - asked Schweb, - that such a capable person like you cannot get the shop to work normally?
“I don’t know,” replied the head of the shop, “I convinced the workers, pushed them in every way, scolded and threatened to be fired. But nothing works, they fail the plan.
This happened at the end of the day, just before the night shift was due to start work.
“Give me a piece of chalk,” Schweb said. Then he turned to the nearest worker:
- How many items did your shift give out today?
- Six.
Without a word, Schweb put a large number 6 on the floor and left.
When the night shift workers came, they saw "6" and asked what it meant.
“The boss was here today,” one worker replied. “He asked how much we got out and then wrote it down on the floor.”
The next morning Schweb came back to the shop. The night shift replaced the number "6" with a large "7".
When the day shift workers saw a "7" on the floor, they enthusiastically set to work, and in the evening left a huge boastful "10" on the floor. Things went well.
Soon, this lagging shop was performing better than any other in the plant.
What is the essence of what is happening?
Here is a quote from Charles Schweb himself:
"To get the job done, you need to awaken a spirit of healthy competition."
So, challenge where no means can help.
Let's sum up
If you want to learn how to convince people and defend your point of view, follow these rules:
- Dodge an argument
- Admit mistakes
- Be friendly
- Use the Socratic Method
- Let the other person talk
- Try honestly to understand the other person
- Show empathy
- Make your ideas clear
- Challenge
At the end, I recommend paying attention to Cognitive Distortions, where the most common thinking errors are considered. This will help you not only realize the reasons for your actions, but also give you an understanding of the actions of the people around you.
